Scar Tissue

I’ve started doing massage again and it has me thinking a lot about the body and its incredible powers to heal itself. I remember in the first couple months of massage school we learned about scar tissue and how it’s formed. I just happened to have completely knocked my knee out of place on a party bus. A story for another time! It was so fascinating to me because without directing it, my body goes into action and protects me. Such a beautiful thing.

However, scar tissue, as you probably know very well, is not pretty. Scar tissue on the outside where you can see it or on the inside where you don’t, can cause future issues if not addressed. The very thing that naturally and beautifully protects us can cause us harm. How can this be?

In massage therapy, we learn how the emergency of the injury alerts the body to start the healing process and basically sends in all the tissue cells necessary to bind up the area. But it doesn’t do it in a slow or organized way. It’s not in there for decoration. It’s in there getting to work. So we end up with a chaotic collection of tissue. Secure but messy. This is great because without it we would have all kinds of problems. With it, we have survival. Wonderful.

So what’s the harm? Where are the problems? With a ton of unaddressed, un-massaged scar tissue, you can have limited range of motion, stiffness, chronic pain, and even further injury to other body parts due to compensation for the injury. You’ve had this happen right? You sprain an ankle and while limping around babying it you then start to get a sore back? Our bodies are designed to balance themselves out so if we’re off, they go to work to make it right.

Why is all of this so interesting to me? Well, now that I’ve been studying our brains so much I see a correlation between our physical scar tissue and our animal instincts to protect and survive, and how in order to evolve beyond basic survival we have to move through that pain to get to the other side. To not only survive, but to thrive.

Listen, massaging old scar tissue is some of the worst pain. It is hard work to try to align old, sticky tissue that is bound up in a ball. It takes hours of massage over a period of time. But when you finally break it all up and let your body realize it doesn’t need it anymore, the freedom from the pain is amazing.

That’s how moving through your mental scar tissue can be. It’s not very pretty and it’s certainly painful. But oh man is it worth it!

The very mechanisms that your brains have in place to protect you, fear, anxiety, desires, etc. can cause a lot of harm if untamed. Fear from a tiger chasing you in the wild is beautiful protection when we were living in caves and evolving to where we are now. That fear now comes out when we have to turn in a paper for school and we’re afraid of getting a bad grade. Totally irrational. But there are kids out there committing suicide from the stressors at school. The desire to eat food and have sex to keep our human race going is wonderful but overused and abused we have obesity and porn addictions.

And when we decide to make changes in our modern lives, the inspection of all of the drama, pain, anxiety, or disease that we have created ourselves can be such a painful process, we would rather just quit and keep living a life of low-grade despair because at least we know it’s secure and familiar, like that old ball of scar tissue in our shoulder.

I vote for evolving beyond that. I want a life that I wake up excited about every day. I’m done with limping around physically and emotionally. It’s too heavy of a burden.

Are you carrying around old scar tissue you no longer need? Let’s try letting it go. Let’s work it out and see how freedom really feels.

 

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

Onward and Upward!

Years ago, my Aunt Terri was telling me about a quote she read from a book, something about “if you’re not going up, you’re doing down” and it stuck with me. During that period of time I was definitely in growth mode, trying to learn everything I could about life, love, and dance.

The past three years, however, I went through this period of an illusion of going up, in my “career”, but turns out that my loyalty and devotion to a company isn’t always rewarded in turn as expected. I had ignored myself personally so I could be the best Office Manager there was and then when I moved “up” into an HR role I gave of myself even more, even when I didn’t think it was possible. I was getting paid more, given more responsibility, and without any direction from my manager whatsoever I was on my own, navigating my professional career. I had no idea what I was really doing because I wasn’t listening to myself at all. Personally, I was going down. Way down.

I floundered from plan to plan trying to figure out what my purpose was. Do I go back to school and get this degree or that one? Do I get more certifications in HR? Do I just sell everything and go to school in Germany?  Do I just move to Mexico and live on a beach? Do I go get a real estate license?

None of these things truly spoke to my heart and soul. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t feel.

I just knew I had to get out of this space of chaos.

I had recently learned that it’s best to learn to be happy no matter where you are, relationship, workplace, etc. before you make a move. Otherwise, you will always be searching for happiness outside of yourself.

So I worked on my happiness. I started my self-coaching program. I found inner happiness, inner peace, and inner truth.

I began my search for other jobs.

And as beautifully as I knew the Universe works in my favor, I wouldn’t have expected the next turn of events. The day I had my first in person interview scheduled with a new company was the day three dozen employees, including me, got laid off.

Well, that solves that!

I was sad for about 10 whole minutes when I got home unusually early from work that morning. Charlie was happy!

I knew that this was for me, not against me, and that I had to get my mind right for my interview that afternoon.

I could not have planned or worked out more perfectly how the following three weeks proceeded, how I got the job, when I started the job or how I was then given the beautiful gift of my new manager. Truly a breath of fresh air to have a competent, compassionate, and super smart lady to report to. Not only is this position something I can easily do but she wants me to learn and grow both professionally AND personally. There’s time and room here for me to focus on me…not just keeping employees well fed and caffeinated at the expense of my own well-being.

During these few months of chaos-free, stress-free, and anxiety-free living, I can finally hear myself. I can see more clearly now. I can feel who I really am.

And things are just falling into place. As I open up to truly living more and more each day I feel like I’m finally on my way back up. I’ve cleared the stagnant waters, washed clean, and filled up with an abundant flow of energy. My passions for wellness, massage, yoga, and dance have all been re-ignited. It feels so amazing.

I’m a new sponge, soaking up more and more knowledge and experience, and I just love the idea of sharing these insights and gifts with other people seeking change, growth, and healing in their own lives.

My life is no longer about my job. My life is about my contribution to the world as my whole self. Sometimes it’s messy and ugly. Sometimes it’s clean and beautiful.

But it can always be truly me.

Onward and upward!

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

A New Month, A New Chapter

Since July 1st, I’m down 15.1 pounds.

Yes, that .1 of a pound matters to me!

I wanted to lose 20 pounds by today but 15.1 it is! I’ve become pretty specific with my eating protocol but I will continue to see where I can adjust to further my mission. I’ve lost a quarter of a pound per day on average and I would be A-OK with that rate until I’m at my ideal weight.

What is the saying? A quarter pounder a day keeps the doctor away? Sounds good to me!

This month in my Self-Coaching Scholars program, is about “How To Get It Done” and we are to choose a specific goal that is measureable and will blow our own minds by the end of the month. Since I’m already on the weight loss train and have a regular monthly goal, I wanted to pick something hard that I’ve never been able to do before in order to blow my own damn mind.

Here it is. A daily meditation/yoga practice. Yes, I’ve practiced both meditation and yoga for years but never consistently, and certainly not daily. The more I read books about self-development, and even business development, the more I’m learning how important a daily meditation or quiet time routine is to our mental and physical health. I’ve “known” this for years but have never truly applied it. If by the end of this month I’ve implemented a daily practice I will be blown away.

I want to be someone that commits to a practice and makes no excuses. How do I become that kind of person? I just do it. I get up and do it every single day. Even with all the BS I want to tell myself about how hard it is and how I deserve to be lazy sometimes.  

I deserve to give myself the gift of this practice.

Since I’m not focusing on a hardcore workout regimen at this point in my weight loss path, I’m excited for yoga because it moves my body without a harsh bootcamp or a ton of gym bros in my face. I have visions of going through a yoga teacher training in my future but I want to make sure I can be consistent with my own practice first and this is the month I’m going to prove that to myself. 

Yoga and meditation are not only a great time to heal my own mind and body but I also plan to use it as a specific time to pray for the world. I would love to see more of us do this and watch how powerful all of our focused energy and attention on healing can be.

The mind is the most powerful tool in the world. 

So here’s to a new chapter at the start of a new month! Happy September!

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

Gratitude

Sometimes when I think about all that I’m grateful for, especially in times like these when I’m watching my fellow Texans in the throws of watching their homes being destroyed by flooding, friends and family going missing, or even worse, I tend to switch from gratitude to survivor’s guilt. As if somehow I should be suffering too and that will make the suffering of others less so. Unfortunately and fortunately, we can’t take pain away from other people. We just create new pain of our own. This is a good thing because if I could be successful at taking pain from people and be able to lay it upon my own shoulders, I would be buried under the weight of the world. Dead. There were many years where it certainly felt that way. I’ve since learned how each of us are responsible for our own feelings and I’m not everyone’s savior.

Today, I’m reminded of the importance of pure gratitude. And how that does not take away from or give pain to others. However, there’s a difference in an exclamation of gratitude and bragging. I try for the former.

I’m humbly grateful today that I only had to deal with a wet dog who wanted longer walks and more play time this weekend. I’m immensely grateful my power didn’t go out for one second, that I didn’t have to drive in flooded areas and get pulled under, that my apartment stayed completely dry and out of harm’s way. I have fresh drinking water, food, more food stores on my own body than necessary, a job, a car, health insurance, friends, family, and clean air to breathe into a body that is perfectly working for me all day and all night. These are incredible blessings and it’s an honor to be alive and well when so many are not.  

[Insert comment about privilege. Yes, I acknowledge it completely.]

I kept thinking what can I do? I came up with expressing gratitude, sending money and simple prayers.

Sometimes prayers are without words. Sometimes they just say, “Please help.”

I don’t believe it matters who you’re praying to. If you don’t believe there’s anyone or anything to actually pray to that’s okay. Just feel the gratitude and love for our neighbors. And send some money or supplies if you can.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and send ol’ Harvey back to where he came from but instead I will be praying without ceasing, for not only immediate relief but for long term healing and rebuilding of our Texas communities.

It’s amazing to see how united we can be as a state when we’ve been so divided not even a week ago. It goes to show that we’re all human, all the same, and we are capable of simply loving each other. 

I love you all.

 

**Donate to Red Cross here: https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation **

I’ve Let Go…Now What?

So what do we do when we no longer overeat, overspend, overdrink, or overindulge in false pleasures? If you’ve ever done one of those little challenges where you stop watching TV for a week, or juice cleanse, or maybe stopped shopping for a month, you might have noticed how much more time you have in your day. What about when you stopped blaming someone else for your life? Did you find new mental space and clarity? What then?

I recently spoke to someone who was having a hard time letting go of the past and she said, “Well, if I don’t have this problem anymore, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.”

That right there is the work of our lives.

Some people unconsciously hold on to negative patterns and behaviours because we have no idea what our purpose is and what we would do with our life without those distractions.

If you suddenly had all the free time and resources you needed to accomplish that dream of yours deep down inside, what would you do?

You might automatically think, “I don’t know.” But really try to answer. If you did know, what would it be?

I love weekends like these where the forecast is rain. It makes me stop all of my busyness and go within. What will I do with all this free time? What can I create? What can I learn? That’s how I want to live my life.

I want to take away all the distractions and listen to my inner wisdom, my true self.

Without all the time spent on thinking about what food I’m going to indulge in, what shows I’m going to binge watch or what stores I can mindlessly spend money in, my life opens up to new possibilities. Free time is abundant and readily available if we just remove our self-induced barriers to it.

The work I’m interested in is cleaning up all the negative thoughts so when we actually do stop and listen we don’t automatically run away and go unconscious again, afraid of all the junk we tell ourselves. It’s pretty simple process. Not easy, but simple.

Like this…

  1. Stop, look, listen
  2. Clean up negativity
  3. Create

Take a moment this weekend to write out your thoughts, clean up the negativity, remove what no longer serves you, and begin to feel the free space.

Sit still.

Breathe.

Now what?

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

Awareness to Inspiration

I’ve always been super interested in self-help books and how-to articles. I loved reading magazines because I thought they would teach me how to be an adult out in the world. When I would watch Oprah after school, I wanted to be her so badly.

I wanted to help and inspire people all over the world.

I remember when I was browsing in Barnes and Noble, around 17 or 18 years old, I picked up “The Book of Secrets” by Deepak Chopra. Why? Well because it had a butterfly on the cover, duh! Also, the title was enticing. I had no idea who Deepak was. I stood there in the aisle and read the first chapter, (what I do to make sure I really want to buy a book) and I was hooked. The book was full of concepts I could not truly grasp at the time, however, it simply taught me about awareness. Being aware of everything around you and everything inside you.

Awareness is healing in and of itself.

That book really led me down a path of self-development and learning that has brought me to where I am today. Lots of ups and downs, lots of winding roads, and lots of growth. From family relationships, sexual violation, dance life, weight problems, romantic relationships and dating, money problems, and career issues, I’ve been through a ton of life in my years. I have not only survived but I have finally come to a place where I can say that I’m thriving. I don’t think I would have had I not been so self-aware at times. Believe me, there were many times I went unconscious to avoid my feelings and responsibility for those feelings. But I would eventually come to a place where I was seeing how I created the drama and wanted to end that specific chapter of my life. You know when you finally get to that point where you say okay, I’m no longer dating that type of guy anymore or I’m no longer going to work for that type of manager or I’m no longer blaming my parents? Those deliberate decisions signify course corrections on your path.

Another major influence in my awareness and development was when I learned about the Law of Attraction through the now famous “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. I thought this was huge stuff. And I was right. What so many of us did not realize was that you can’t sit around all day and say affirmations to yourself, create vision boards, or try to turn all thoughts into positive ones and then you magically become a millionaire. The action piece of it was left out of a lot of Law of Attraction teaching. But still, I knew in the back of my mind that this thing was how the world works. I saw how I attracted stuff into my life, and the same for what I observed in other people’s lives.

Now, I have discovered Master Life Coach and Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and her “thought model” that really has pieced all that I’ve learned so far into something I can really wrap my mind around. There’s so much more I can write about her philosophies and teachings but they will have to wait for more blog posts.

For now, it works like this: circumstances trigger thoughts, thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive your actions and your actions produce results.

Circumstances

Thoughts

Feelings

Actions

Results

We can’t control circumstances in the world. The cool thing is you get to choose what you put in the thought line and decide how to feel, which means you’re not out of control of your actions and results. Your experience of life is yours for the creating.

So there’s really not any problem you can’t solve with this model. Pretty damn awesome.

Brooke has taught me so much from her free podcast alone but the advanced program I’m in, Self-Coaching Scholars, has changed my life completely in the last year. I’ve healed relationships, let go of other relationships, managed anxiety and depression, stopped over-drinking, stopped overeating, and I’m no longer afraid of my feelings. They’re simply vibrations in my body. That doesn’t mean I’m no longer human without emotions. I will still feel negative emotion about half of my life. I’m okay with that. I just don’t want to create any additional suffering on top of that.

So if there’s no longer anything to hold me back, what can I go create? That’s the work I’m in. If I take away everything that’s no longer serving me, what am I free to do and who am I free to be? If I choose to continue on this path of self-discovery and growth, what new frontiers will I reach?

No one can replace the queen herself, Oprah Winfrey, but perhaps I can inspire people all over the world in my own way. Let’s see!

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

Change Is Hard

I’ve been learning this concept for a while. That when you want to change something in your life you have go through a period of discomfort before you make that change sustainable. There’s falling down, failing, feeling your feelings, rejection, fear…all of it before you get something right. We’ve all experienced this as babies when we were learning to walk. We fell down on our butts or our faces a lot. We didn’t say well I’ve never done that before…I’ll just stick to crawling. Or it hurts when I fall down and I shouldn’t ever feel pain so I’ll just stick to crawling, thanks but no thanks. What happened in our lives that made us so afraid of pain and discomfort? Wouldn’t it be cool if we just decided on a change and then boom. Done. New habits set!

I know for me there was definitely a period of time in my childhood where I would just go for it. Jump a fence, fall off my bike, twist an ankle doing cartwheels and I would do it over and over again for the benefits of learning that new skill or having fun with my friends. There was a time where I always raised my hand in class to answer the teacher’s questions or ask questions myself. There was a time when I really believed I could do anything it took to get the things I wanted. Then along the way I became afraid. I feared rejection, looking stupid in front of other people, and not getting something right the first time. I somehow believed that if I was so smart like everyone said I was that I was entitled to get things right or it just wasn’t for me. I could no longer handle discomfort. In an effort to make myself feel better I over ate food and later in high school over drank alcohol and partied with friends. I had to buffer all of my discomfort.

As I became an adult and decided I wanted to be a dancer, I had to feel these fears and take classes anyway. I wasn’t completely aware of all the little decisions I was making but looking back I see how I chose discomfort over stagnation. I chose discomfort in class when I was afraid of a strange man touching me. I chose discomfort when I heard demeaning comments from those men on the social dance floor. I chose discomfort when my feet and back ached. I chose discomfort when I spent all my extra money on classes and competitions.

I chose change.

I moved through that river of misery to get to other side and I did not do it perfectly. There were many times I continued to buffer that discomfort with food and alcohol. It’s so easy to overeat and drink at dance events…or hell right after group classes on a Wednesday night. Feel some social anxiety? Just have a couple glasses of wine. Feel some fear of rejection before a dance competition? Just down a shot or two of vodka or tequila. Feel bad about your social dancing after a local dance? Just drive through a fast food joint to eat a burger or down a milkshake.

Through the years I’ve chosen to be conscious of these things and I’ve also chosen to be unconscious. I didn’t want to weigh myself. I didn’t want to look in the mirror naked. I didn’t look at my thoughts and feelings about life. It was just too hard.

Now I see the value in taking a long and tedious look at all of your life, all of your beliefs and all of your feelings. Why? Because that’s what drives everything you do. How you one thing is how you do everything, right? So I want to be someone who is aware of everything going on so I can take ownership of it and decide what my life is going to be about. I want to do hard things. I want to be able to look at a challenge and know that even with discomfort and pain, I can get through it and grow beyond my current capability. That breeds confidence. The more I’ve done this, the more confidence I have in myself.

So looking down the long and hard road of losing all of my extra weight, I see discomfort, physical and emotional pain, fears, and anxiety. I’m willing to do all of it to get what I want. I’ve never felt as confident in my capabilities as I do now. There have been some recent days where I see how my brain wants to retreat and forget this whole thing. It whispers, “Hey…psst! Remember how awesome it was to eat ice cream and watch documentaries? Let’s just take a load off and do that tonight.” Or it says, “Listen, you work really hard. You deserve one day off. Just go to P. Terry’s and get that caramel shake you love. You’ve earned it.” But since I’m so aware of these little tricks my brain likes to play to keep me safe, I can say “Not today, my friend. I got you.” Sometimes, that exchange goes back and forth quite a few times and it feels like ass. Sometimes, I’m very, very close to giving in. The whole time I feel such an uneasiness in my body. I feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin with anxiety. I just want to eat and get that dopamine rush to calm myself down. Make it all go away.  

Instead, I just feel it out and let it go. And it always passes. Most people, including previous versions of myself, would maybe do that for a few days, perhaps a few weeks, but get to a point where it’s just “too hard” and they quit. 

I’m ready to do that every single day if I have to. 

Change is hard. So what?

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!