I remember when the thought that I would marry the man of my dreams was impossible to me.
Somehow I knew I would be a mom someday but I was blocked by not truly believing in finding the right man to be the father, co-parent, and husband I desired.
I had heard from so many different teachers, thought leaders, spiritual masters that you had to make a list of who you wanted and then he would appear. So, I made my lists. Pages of lists. I wrote letters to my future husband. I made myself available, going out in the world, looking for him in every man that paid any attention to me.
Still, he wasn’t here.
Then I learned you had to BE that person you wanted so that your energy frequency would match his and THEN he would come. Cool. I started working on myself BIG TIME. I enrolled in Self Coaching Scholars, worked out, ate right, journaled, broke down, healed, rinsed and repeated…all of it. Still, I was single.
It wasn’t until I met my coach and she unveiled the underlying belief that was holding me back the whole dang time.
“All men cheat.”
I was busy “manifesting” my future husband but my beliefs weren’t aligned with that seemingly impossible goal so he wasn’t showing up in my life.
She helped me visualize who my future husband was. She asked me not only what does he look like, etc. but who is he as a person? (Honest, hardworking, loving) What does he do in his spare time? (Works with his hands, reads, plays/enjoys music, has a spiritual practice) And most importantly, does he cheat on you? I cried when I answered no. It never occurred to me that I could possibly be with a man who didn’t cheat on me. The thought felt SO REAL to me. But if you had asked me if it was possible that some men don’t cheat on their wives, I would say yes…not just possible for me.
A-ha! Why was that?
It came down to this belief that I wasn’t worthy of that good of a man. Once I became aware of these sneaky (optional) thoughts I was then able to let them go and decide what I wanted to believe WAS possible for me. I decided to believe that despite everything I had believed my whole life that now I can believe in my worthiness and unlock my desires to be come realities. My impossible goal was about to be met. Little did I know it would happen so fast!
I came home from that weekend of in-person coaching and decided to get back on that dating app, really allow myself to be seen in both full body pictures (yes, he would have to know what I actually looked like below the neckline!) AND my true desires in the words I wrote in my profile. I finally said I wanted to be an amazing wife and mom, and I desired a man who also wanted to be an amazing husband and father. I was always so afraid of scaring off men with the scary words “relationship”, “marriage”, “children”. Oh spooky!
Now, I was confident that all I needed to do was be myself, and the right person would come. I didn’t need a lot of men interested, I just needed one. And a week and a half later I found myself on a date with my now husband. I remember seeing him and his smile for the first time and my heart just knew he was different. (And very different he is! ha!)
Guess what…my lovely brain STILL offers up thoughts of fear and anxiety that I could still get cheated on. Yep, even after all this work and marrying this lovely man. That’s what my primitive brain is probably going to do forever. It’s trying to protect me. Cool. But what’s different these days is that I don’t make those old thoughts coming up mean ANYTHING about me, about Chris, and our relationship. I can let the thought pass and say thanks but no thanks! I don’t let that thought drive an emotion and action that could sabotage us. I don’t let that fear an anxiety do anything. I say, yep, I see you little old thoughts. Have a great day, bye!
They come up way less often then they used to. I hardly think about it anymore. But when life is going great, brains like to find problems to solve. Let’s create a problem out of thin air just to solve it! That’ll be fun! Yeah, not so fun when you let this game drive wedges in your relationships. It can happen anytime in any relationship if you’re not aware of those underlying beliefs.
I’m SO thankful for the work I’ve done on myself, the coaching I’ve received from different coaches, and I can even be thankful for the trauma and the cheating that I’ve experienced. It’s all a lesson and helps me be a better coach, a better wife and a better mom-to-be.
What is your impossible goal? What is that deep longing inside of you that you ignore every single day only because you don’t believe you’re worthy of it? Let’s explore and dig it up. Let’s see it and heal it. Let’s reach that new level of awareness and understanding so we can achieve what is now seemingly impossible.
It’s hard but SO WORTH IT!