Me and You

At this point I feel like I can talk about a lot of personal stuff in my life without getting too embarrassed. I’ve come to understand how we all go through the same things, just different flavors of it. However, there is one thing I’ve made myself believe is too much to share…so here goes! I have a true desire to find my person. For the last couple of years I’ve tried very hard to stifle this desire and to actively harden my heart so that I wouldn’t have to feel the desire and not be able to control that outcome or work any harder towards it, like I can with so many other desires. I tried to be the “cool girl” and be fine with casual dating and not ever saying the supposed dirty word “relationship” around guys in fear of them thinking I wanted to get married today or that I would try to trap them. Neither are true, by the way.

So through my self-exploration and self-coaching, I understand that being vulnerable and willing to feel all of the emotions that come up is what it means to live the human experience and that part of my life is going to feel like crap. It’s okay for me to have a desire to build a life with someone and not have that someone here yet. It’s okay for me to want somebody to love while I’m loving myself. There will be times of loneliness and it’s okay to feel it out.

While opening myself up to this idea I’ve been feeling this emotion of missing someone whom I haven’t even met yet. It’s hard to describe. We tend to miss past boyfriends and lovers, even though we know the relationship transitioned for a purpose, and remember the beautiful feelings we had with them. I’m feeling more than that though. I’m embracing the full wanting and full not-knowingness of it all. It’s knowing deep in my heart that my desires are a compass to my self-actualization and my purpose here on Earth, and being okay with not having them fulfilled just yet. With this new openness a little poem came out of me. I haven’t written any poetry in years. I suppose it’s a simple love letter to my person, wherever he is, and the kind of life I both long for and “miss” with him.

 

Me and You

coffee and books

crannies and nooks

photos and frames

candles and flames

warm towels and baths

whispers and laughs

songs and road trips

hugs and fingertips

sweat and skin

raindrops and tin

friends and dance floors

family and seashores

chakras and stones

muscles and bones

elephants and dogs

travel and blogs

crafts and arts

stops and starts

beards and white tees

lashes and worn jeans

mornings and flowers

evenings and hot showers

truths and dares

kisses and stares

golds and browns

ups and downs

pinks and blues

mountain tops and views

births and deaths

tears and deep breaths

tried and true

me and you