A Lesson In The Illusion of Anxiety

“What if” and “should” type of thoughts came in and created a full blown anxiety attack last night…why?

Because as I create more and more amazing things in my life my ancient instincts are trying to protect me from getting hurt so the brain comes up with “what if” and presents some terrible possible outcome.

Or I’m thinking of too many possible positive outcomes and become overwhelmed of having to do so many things and thinking I “should” be better, faster, or more perfect at something.

The seemingly protective worry causes so much suffering. The first step isn’t just stop thinking about it (try telling someone that who is having an anxiety attack) but to let it all come out.

For me, that means a lot of tears. This time, instead of medicating myself with food, alcohol or Netflix, I cried. I talked it out. I let it all flow.

Then the waves passed and I asked myself if this came up from fear of success. If by reaching new levels, peeling back old layers, I’m discovering residue from old hurt. Pretty much! Thanks, Brain!

I then could begin to think rationally. The illusion faded and I could then decide what I would rather think instead of the anxiety causing thoughts.

Everything will be okay.

I can do anything I want, I am worthy of it all.

I am prepared for whatever may come.

I have the tools to overcome all possibilities.

Worrisome thoughts pretend to be productive and important. It’s an illusion that we can control the future by overthinking. We can use these thoughts as lessons and move on, not let them spin us further and further into darker depths.

Happy Tuesday!

The Beginning of the Middle!

Last week I started a life coach certification training that I believe will provide me with the tools I need to personally transform my body, mind, and soul passion journey, to create the entrepreneurial business of my dreams, AND to teach others how to do the same.
I’m incredibly excited!!
The last year and a half I’ve studied and worked hard on my self in the Self-Coaching Scholars program, with The Life Coach School, and it has completely changed my life. In the Fall of 2016, I knew that in order to become the life coach, the wife and mother, the physically fit and emotionally strong Emily that was born to be, I had to open up my brain, examine my thoughts and decide exactly what I want to think and believe instead, then follow through with the massive action required. I learned so many tools that helped me coach myself and I cannot imagine my life had I not learned them. Life before was grey and getting darker. Now, there is so much light and love that even in the darker moments of life, I’m able to shift back within minutes, hours or the day and not turn that into a month-long binge on food, alcohol, shopping, gossip, and ultimately depression.
I get to create this life whether I’m conscious of it or not so why not be 100% conscious and create something amazing? What am I believing about this? What have I been taught that I actually don’t need to believe anymore? Question everything. Everything!
I’m practicing new thoughts that will produce emotions that fuel the actions that will produce the results I’ve been dreaming of my whole life. 
One of those thoughts is: “For the next six months I am learning the best tools for integrative life coaching, and entrepreneurship, that will make me the best coach I can be.”
Stay tuned for updates on what I’m learning as I plan to share everything I can along the way, on this blog and social media. Whether that’s just personal revelations or actual tools you and other people can use to better all of our lives.
I am SO excited to be sharing this new journey with you. Please comment or send me a private message if you have any questions or need help. I will be practice coaching for free over the next three months.
Love and light, my friends!!
Did you quit your new job??
Nope! I still work in People Operations at JASK and LOVE IT. I get to do this coach training in the evenings, outside of work, which is super awesome.
What is “integrative life coaching”?
As a Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki practitioner, and believer in the connection between mind, body, and soul, it only makes sense that I would not only coach people with their minds but also connect what’s coming up in their body and energy to what they’re thinking and feeling.
I will use all of my knowledge and tools I’ve learned over the past decade of studying self-help, massage therapy, energy work, the meta-physical, and the Spirit, to help every person who is attracted to this work.
The practical applications of this work will vary from client to client including, massage therapy and reiki sessions, workshops, retreats, phone and video calls, worksheets, journal pages, diet, exercise, videos, and maybe even a podcast. 😉
What does coaching look like?
A life coach holds up a “mirror” to show you your own thoughts and guides you to find the answers to the problems on your own. As a teacher, I can teach tools and concepts, but coaching is personal to the client. I hold non-judgmental space for clients which is where we can dig up all the thoughts that have created the results we don’t want so that we can choose whether we want to keep thinking them or not. It’s always a choice.
What coach training did you enroll in?
Integrative Life Coach Training with Kim Guillory, a Certified Life Coach through the Life Coach School. Kim is awesome and is ON POINT with what she is doing and I totally believe in her training. It’s exactly what I’ve been hoping for this year.
What is Self-Coaching Scholars?
An amazing program for folks who are ready and willing to invest time, money, and energy on themselves!

Today, I am 30 years old.

Today, I am 30 years old.

I feel like I’ve been waiting to be 30 my whole life. I know it sounds weird but for the longest time I thought that life happens in your thirties….just like in the movies. All the cool women I wanted to be like seemed so much older and wiser but still young looking and beautiful. Today, I reflect back on the last decade of my twenties and realize how little good waiting for today really did for me. I try hard not to regret anything in life and look at everything as a learning experience rather than a failure. Still, it’s hard not to regret some of the things we’ve done…especially in our twenties. We suddenly have adult freedom without any of the adult wisdom we think we should have. A combination for potential disaster…or learning experiences, however you want to look at them.

I have had many learning experiences in the past ten years that have certainly made me wiser, yet, I suppose with this wisdom comes the knowing that I’m not that wise at all and still have so much to learn.

When I turned 29 last year, I looked ahead at 30 glaring at me and decided that I didn’t want to enter this new decade with any of the “problems” I had in my twenties. So I worked very hard on my self-coaching and have solved most of those problems with simply choosing new mindsets, new ways of thinking about my past, present, and future. Lo and behold, this is the secret to happiness and wellbeing. Do not get me wrong when I say this, as I don’t want to come across as having figured everything in life out, cuz I don’t! I still have thought errors that will keep me spinning in anxiety and fear for no good reason…on a regular basis. However, I now know that this suffering is all a choice and in my control. These thoughts are optional and when I set my mind to coaching myself through these issues, I come out of the fog so much more quickly and most of the time without self-sabotaging. Most of the time.

In this past year I’ve created so much abundance and love in my life. I’ve manifested things, opportunities, and people to me I couldn’t have imagined I had the power to do when I was just a little girl watching those women in movies and TV. I finally feel like my own real, vulnerable life is so much better than those stories. My own story is what matters most to me.

I’ve learned to let go of questioning why things are the way they are and simply focus on contributing more and loving more.

The questions I ask myself now are:

How will I create more joy in this life?

How will my future self be proud of me and the work I’m doing today?

How can I Love more?

What would Love do?

How can I move toward Love every day?

So, I’ve come to look at this new decade ahead right in the eye, with solid feet on the ground, a wildly passionate heart, and a clear mind full of creativity, ready for more!

Onward, upward, and loveward.

Future Focus

I had a dream last night that my body was the shape that I’m working towards and it was amazing. I woke up with this feeling of such peace yet nervous excitement I could hardly stand it. I just stayed in bed allowing the feelings to wash over me.

Then I realized I had to get up and go to work. Happy Hump Day! 🙂

So, I’ve been thinking about it all morning. This idea of feeling how you want to feel in the future right now. How that it is truly the magic recipe for creating the life of your dreams. I’m experiencing some amazing things happening in my life because not so long ago I was thinking ahead to right now and how I wanted to feel.

This is how the world works, apparently.

You visualize, think thoughts and feel feelings your future self would be thinking and feeling, and then allow the how to show up, taking each next appropriate action toward that future.

Can it be that easy?

Well, yes. Try it. What have you got to lose?

Has there been a time in your life where you can see how this process worked for you? For others?

I would love to know! Comment below and share your manifesting stories!

20 Pounds GONE!

I’m proud to announce that I’ve officially lost 20 pounds as of this morning!! Avoiding sugar and flour along with intermittent fasting works you guys. That doesn’t mean I’ve 100% avoided those white, powdery culprits as I’ve let some life into my living but every time I ate off protocol I was conscious of it and 90% of the time it was planned in advance. No losing control for a whole weekend after one rogue meal. It’s okay to just jump right back on path the very next meal.

Another lesson I’ve learned in the past few months is that weight loss progress is never a straight line down the bar graph for me. I lose a few pounds quickly and then nothing for a week or two, then lose another one or two, then up one or two, then lose a few again. It’s up and down and I’m okay with that now. I’ve let go of the the imagined timeline of when I should lose all my weight and I’m just enjoying the process of loving myself into wellness.

It really is amazing to be living a life where my thoughts are not consumed with food and when I’m going to get to eat next. I know that with letting my body burn its own fat stores by not eating sugar and flour, it can go hours and hours without food and be fine. I’ve noticed when I see the most significant drops in weight is when I’m working out fasted. I typically only eat between the hours of 12pm-8pm. Sometimes I continue a longer fast and not eat until dinner by skipping lunch. Sometimes I eat only lunch and no dinner. I rarely have times where I feel like I have “low blood sugar” and have to eat immediately. If I go to a party or event where there isn’t any food I’m willing to eat, it’s okay because I can just go without food and not feel deprived or starving the whole time.

That is what freedom feels like. It’s amazing.

I have more weight loss goals, of course, but I’ve let go of beating myself up should my imagined timeline not come to fruition. Weight loss is both an art and a science. It’s tricky and challenging but oh so worth it!

Here’s to the next twenty!



Half Light, Half Darkness

I was thinking about how I’m so ready for cold weather which lead me to remember this past Christmas that I spent in Colorado, and how with the cold comes dry skin and sniffles. Why do I want the cold weather so badly when I hated how my skin was after a day of skiing? I miss the thrill of being so cold and the getting warm afterwards. Do you know what I mean?

Then it got me thinking about how we will lay out by the pool in July, getting super hot and sweaty so that when we dip into the pool it’s even more exhilaratingly cold.

It’s not that I so much enjoy being hot or cold but it’s the thrill of the relief of each. As much as I think I would love to live in 75 and sunny every day, I know it would get kinda boring without any variety. The cool breeze and warm sunshine wouldn’t be as amazing if there weren’t any cold and rainy days. 

What if this is like how in life we experience some super sadness as well has the highest bliss? We can’t have one without the other. Life will never be 100% sadness or 100% bliss. It’s balanced by each other like yin and yang, dark and light, Winter and Summer. Where we add onto the dark half with more suffering is when we think we should have 100% bliss. When we think we shouldn’t experience pain, sadness, anxiety, grief, loneliness. When we try to protect ourselves and our loved ones from ever hurting or feeling scared. It makes sense that our brains would tell us to protect ourselves and stay alive, of course, but in order to evolve we must push past our comfort level. In order to experience the light we have to know what darkness is.

I think about how my mom used to describe giving birth to me. Her eyes would light up. She says she can remember the pain so vividly and how when you’re in labor the pain makes you think you’re going to die but as soon as the baby comes, not only does the pain just go away but there’s this surge of joy never experienced before. For her, the pain is worth it and she would do it over and over to be able to experience the joy of her daughters.

It’s hard to see so much pain in the world. It breaks my heart into a million pieces when I see homelessness, hunger, illness, disease, murder, but I know it’s all part of it. I can act from a place of love and compassion to help and be a part of the solution but it will serve no one if I act from a place of scarcity, fear, anger and anxiety, thinking “this should never happen.”

You might be thinking, “How could she say that? Does that mean murder SHOULD happen!?”

Of course not. I would never wish for evil things to happen…I just know that they will. Me saying they should not happen does not stop them from happening. So my sadness is for the thing that happened but not for sadness itself. I don’t want to add onto the pain with more grief and despair for the world. I acknowledge and grieve for what’s happening AND continue to believe the world is full of beauty and wonder as well. Otherwise, being such a sensitive empathic person, I will fall into a pit of darkness. It’s way too easy for me to go down that road so I continue to look for the light. Where’s the beauty? Where’s the joy? I want to live fully and authentically and that comes with both sides of the coin, both extremes of emotion and everything in between.

I am sending love and light to the world today and every day. My hope is that you can take the time to grieve any loss you’re experiencing, move through the pain, and then turn your face up towards the light of the world, whatever that looks like for you, however long it takes. 

Love, love, love.

Me and You

At this point I feel like I can talk about a lot of personal stuff in my life without getting too embarrassed. I’ve come to understand how we all go through the same things, just different flavors of it. However, there is one thing I’ve made myself believe is too much to share…so here goes! I have a true desire to find my person. For the last couple of years I’ve tried very hard to stifle this desire and to actively harden my heart so that I wouldn’t have to feel the desire and not be able to control that outcome or work any harder towards it, like I can with so many other desires. I tried to be the “cool girl” and be fine with casual dating and not ever saying the supposed dirty word “relationship” around guys in fear of them thinking I wanted to get married today or that I would try to trap them. Neither are true, by the way.

So through my self-exploration and self-coaching, I understand that being vulnerable and willing to feel all of the emotions that come up is what it means to live the human experience and that part of my life is going to feel like crap. It’s okay for me to have a desire to build a life with someone and not have that someone here yet. It’s okay for me to want somebody to love while I’m loving myself. There will be times of loneliness and it’s okay to feel it out.

While opening myself up to this idea I’ve been feeling this emotion of missing someone whom I haven’t even met yet. It’s hard to describe. We tend to miss past boyfriends and lovers, even though we know the relationship transitioned for a purpose, and remember the beautiful feelings we had with them. I’m feeling more than that though. I’m embracing the full wanting and full not-knowingness of it all. It’s knowing deep in my heart that my desires are a compass to my self-actualization and my purpose here on Earth, and being okay with not having them fulfilled just yet. With this new openness a little poem came out of me. I haven’t written any poetry in years. I suppose it’s a simple love letter to my person, wherever he is, and the kind of life I both long for and “miss” with him.


Me and You

coffee and books

crannies and nooks

photos and frames

candles and flames

warm towels and baths

whispers and laughs

songs and road trips

hugs and fingertips

sweat and skin

raindrops and tin

friends and dance floors

family and seashores

chakras and stones

muscles and bones

elephants and dogs

travel and blogs

crafts and arts

stops and starts

beards and white tees

lashes and worn jeans

mornings and flowers

evenings and hot showers

truths and dares

kisses and stares

golds and browns

ups and downs

pinks and blues

mountain tops and views

births and deaths

tears and deep breaths

tried and true

me and you