In a relationship between two people, there are at least four parts.
1) What they think of themselves
2) What they think of you
3) What you think they think of you
4) What you think of you
Most of the time we think that #3 is a fact, not our thoughts. We can base a whole relationship on what we think the other person is thinking, when in fact there is literally no way to ever know, unless you’re a mind reader. Even when people tell you what they think of you, you would never know if it’s actually true.
So, if what we think of another person is the whole relationship, why not choose to believe awesome stuff?
I could decide that the clerk at the store really likes me but she is having a bad day. We would actually be great friends. Versus, thinking about how rude she was to me and most likely being rude back to her.
Or, when a family member doesn’t call as often as we would like, or ever, we can decide they don’t love us or we can decide that they love us the most AND they’re not able to be as present in our lives as much as would we hope.
We make all kinds of assumptions based on words and actions of another person. I know you’re thinking of the worst right now, “What if someone is beating you? Would you still think they love you?” Don’t get me wrong, in no way am I saying to not ever have boundaries in a relationship and just make believe of a fairytale situation or be the martyr. An alternative to believing you are a victim of the relationship is that you could believe that you are awesome, powerful, independent, etc. and they are confused. That you are 100% lovable and worthy NO MATTER WHAT anyone else does or says.
How does that belief feel in your body?
How would you respond to the people in your life when you came from a place of love, contentment, and confidence? How would you show up as the loving person you are?
For those who want to write me and say that this would be “delusional”, if we can’t possibly know what someone is thinking, we are making up a story either way, right? So, why not write a story that is empowering?